Yesterday I started participating in a Course from the worker-service to train myself for finding a job. The worker-service in Austria put all people who registered by them into course to support them for finding a job – in my case this course isn´t really necessary because I am already a Self-Employed Massage Practitioner but I am only registered as “smallest company” so therefore I am still in the worker-service and thus I am bound to participate in it. In one point I see it very practical because of the support of how to work together effectively in a group and also facing some pre-programmed patterns what I have accepted and allowed within me.
And here it starts – yesterday it was the first day and we started with a representation of ourselves on the flip-chart. First we got a letter where we wrote all about what we want to say about ourselves like Name, Address, past jobs, Educations, Hobbies, Future perspectives …..
First as I heard about it I got a tiny feeling in my stomach-area. I observed it as connection to nervousness and I tried to breath through it I made it clear for myself that there is no reason to experience nervousness after that I felt stable and I walked out to the flip-chart to present myself.
But when I stood in front of this group the nervousness started again and became stronger and stronger. My voice started to be faster and faster and my eyes winked faster and faster. I tried to breathe and in the same time to talk – but this doesn´t work. I realized that I had should stop talking, the group asked to excuse my break and breathing and then starting from new with talking. When I crossed the point of talking about my participation at Desteni & our stand to the world-problems & Equal Money and what we do to change it I felt like the energy of nervousness is now running out and I became more comfortable. I never experienced it so intensive although it was not the first group I spoke in front.
This situation showed me an accumulation of patterns, I mean in the first time I experienced while speaking in front of a group not so much nervousness, in the next time a bit more and so on and so forth. The patterns got bigger and bigger and I never made a real change – only a time loop was running within me which I have allowed to manipulate me.
After my presentation we had a small discussion about that what I said and the group-leaders agreed that about this shit what we have created and that all should ask oneself the question on which costs one live his freedom. The Group-Leaders said also that we live now in a time where some jobs will disappear and that we should carefully which jobs we choose.
I see the point of some jobs will disappear in that way that we now have more machines which make our job and therefore the unemployment-rate increase. But what we all have missed is that this will not bring forth a real change because abuse will still exist as long we do not take Self-Responsibility for what we have created, accepted and allowed.
So after all had done there representation we created little groups where we discussed the group-rules or rather which rules we see as necessary to work together in & as a group. In the small group I was I took the responsibility to talk again to all to see what happens within me. This was then the second talk in front of a group and here I felt quite cool to talk to all and to explain the points I/we as small group have decided as group-rules.
All in all I realized that to be nervous either to speak in front of group or in other Situations is totally useless – it is for nothing and further it is a lack of Self-Trust. Nervousness itself do not really exist and how I explained it above it is just a energetic-pattern within me which I have created in the past. And as long as I participate in Nervousness and I do not stand up in that moment where the patterns comes up the pattern will still exist and will timeloop me and thus I give my Life as a Self-Directive-Principle away and allow emotions,feelings or thoughts manipulate and enslave me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that nervousness do really exist.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in nervousness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience nervousness while speaking in front of a group.
I forgive myself that I have not allowed myself to stand up within me in that moment where nervousness arise.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others would think about me when I stand in front of a group and talk to them.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear a group conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be manipulated and enslaved through past patterns like nervousness while talking in front of a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experiencing doubt while talking in front a group of people.
I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to believe that people will think about me when I talk in front of a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect nervousness & fear with talking in front of a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define talking in front of a group within fear & nervousness.
Till here no further – I will no longer allow myself to participate in a pattern of nervousness because I realize that it is useless and further a not real expression of the physical existence.
Till here no further – I will no longer allow myself to experience fear in connection what people think about me when I talk in front of a group.
Till here no further – I will no longer allow myself to be manipulated and influence by the mind as an emotional reaction of nervousness & fear while talking in front of a group.
I allow myself to let go this patterns of nervousness & fear in connection to talking in front of a group.
I allow myself to trust myself in any way whatsoever.
I allow myself to feel comfortable and complete while talking in front of a group.
I allow myself to be here within & as my physical body as the breath of Life in each and every single moment.
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